My days filled up with smiles which subsided with memories I had forgotten resurfacing – into visions and emotions – dancing before my eyes.
That’s how insomnia came back. that cunt.
I remember the walk in the night. The time back when I didn’t know what you were capable of. The time when I was safe in your arms. We played a game – a trust game – that I made up on the spot. Eyes closed walking in public with only each other’s voice to guide us the way. Do you remember? We laughed so much then.
It all came back to me – the roses on the sidewalk and all the wide open spaces. Even the texture of your hand with its fingers intertwined in mine. And with it you were there. I could smell your skin. I could.
Then my mind skipped to the cabin in the woods. The one we planned to rent out when I return. The beautiful place where you swayed midair like Tarzan and horses roamed about. I was to come back and ride them. One day. Soon.
But soon came and gone. We live in the future where you are not to be found.
Today you were supposed to awake beside me in my bed – holding me the way you used to – making me feel the way I used to.
Now everything is a little darker and behind the genuine excitement of the future lingers the emptiness. Hollowed and haunted so I am left.
Love is like that I guess.
It takes something from you.
It shall remain so for as long as my mind shall remember.
If I could, I would. delete. you.
And yet here I am wide awake.
Nights filled with unwanted memories of days past.
sleepless.
The Mind Dumping Ground 